Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Butterfly With Little Wings

I love a good challenge.  I didn't always, but this past year has been  proven to be the year of the not-so impossible.  Last year I quit drinking, quit smoking, survived the "devil diet", and even weaned off of anti-depressants.  The things I have learned about myself are immeasurable, and often times, beyond description.  This has been a year of self-discovery, serenity, and change, to say the least.  I am just beginning to catch a glimpse of the real authentic Chrissy.  I am a Butterfly with little wings.

So one would think I deserve a break....But just like every day with it's new beginnings, Sunday I learned about what it truly means to fast.  Now, I am not an Uber-religious person, but what intrigues me is hearing that the point of fasting is to abstain from what controls you.  Yes, that's a tough pill to swallow.  The beauty is in the self-discovery that you find, when you actively surrender the thing that controls you the most.  So in keeping with the title of my blog, my search for happiness, and the courage to change,..... How about now?

So what controls me?  My ego.  Let's be honest.  I enjoy Facebook for many reasons such as the ability to connect with friends and to feed my addiction for constant social interaction, but the thing that gets me every time is the constant wonder of  "Is anyone thinking of me?"  Sure, I'm nosey too.  I'm always wondering what everyone is doing.....or posting.....or commenting. However, if I take a look at that musty place inside where no one is allowed to enter , I see my little ego getting excited when someone notices me.  Now, I'm not saying Facebook is bad!  Believe me, after 40 days of this insanity I'm bringing upon myself, I will surely be the first one logged in on day 41!

E.G.O.= Easing God Out.  If left to my own devices, and my ego, I have proven to end up in some pretty shady places.  I have faith that this is essential to my Wing-Growth.  Lent begins tomorrow and believe it or not, I'm a little excited about what I might find or Who I might find.

(Thank God for the Blog!)

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